when depression kicks in...

wat is depression really...am i undergoing it or wat?
wat does it feel like to be depressed? i certainly tink tat im depressed...
i keep myself bz, i unpack most of my stuff, cleared the cupboard and drawers for some space...
still got a few stuff left in my luggage..i just dunno how to deal wif it...
i definately need to get more hangers...im like double hanging most of my tings...
i have to make myself stop shopping for clothes cuz the cupboard is full and i wouldnt noe wat to do if i were to have brought back all my clothes i bought back home...
must remind myself to bring back clothes to KL, those i no longer wanna wear...
i really have to stop buying unnecessary stuff here...
firstly, financial problems..i kinda sob last nite cuz i realise tat i have used and wasted a lot of my parent's hard earn money...
times are bad and im wondering if i could finish my course in the next few years time..
wat if i had to stop halfway? will tat happen?
i am upset cuz i am using so much of their money...
one year i use aprox aud$30 thousand and above...do the maths for the next 4 years...
i am such a burden to the family..
i feel tat i am a bad daughter...i feel depressed...
each time i mention about money to my parents...i feel bad...
i wanna earn my own money...at least even if i earn aud$100 a week is good enuf..
at least tat covers part of my expenses..
i keep tinking...shd i be here? its costing them so much for me to be here...
tears are about to burst out but i control....i really dun wanna tink about all tis...
it is my responsibility to assure them that i am not putting their money to waste...
but then again..how can i not tink about the consequences?
y does all tis happen when times are bad? i see how my dad work...its so painful for me to see...
i thank God that my mum is still working another year...
at least tis year she doesnt have to worry about finding a new job...
althou she doesnt get all the benefits she use to get...its better then noting..
i really hope that things are returning to how it used to be...
we didnt have to worry about anyting b4..but now its a whole diff story...
my bro is definately not helping...just hope tat both of us wont dissapoint our parents...
they have suffered so much to put us where we are today..
i shouldnt be a slacker like how i used to be but its oredi a habit...can i change myself?
i must and i hope i can....add oil add oil!!
next week have to go to the bank and withdraw aussie 13 thousand...
heart pain taking out such a large sum of money...
i have have have to make sure tat those money are well spent...if not i wont forgive myself..
is there anyone out there tat would help me bare my fees other than my parents? just kidding...
im getting older and i shd stop being so childish and be more my age....

am still depressed...wat can i do? i did try putting aside all the problems i have...
but then ppl say when u have a problem, dun say God i have a problem but say problem, i have God on my back...
please pray that i will get tru all this without causing more pain to the family...
i tink its gonna take me quite a while to not tink about home bt my duty...add oil add oil..
if someone could comfort me i'd be happy...
as for now...i need to comfort a fren of mine tat just got here...
she has been depressed as well..hope she's doing better then i am...
add oil add oil...

got dinner tonite...*sigh*...dunno y im even going...
oh well...i cant say no...i just have to go...
will write about it if i have the time...have a great day.....
a hug now would be nice...i oredi miss bb'z hugz :(