how long is too long??

tis time im not here to tok about my aud$150 shopping spree during the week..
i have too much tings going on in my head...
my fren told me its a stress related ting tats y i shop...perhaps...

i hate myself for tinking too much but i really wanna noe how long is too long?
ive asked tis q before...one week? one month? a year? 10 years? 50 years?
i asked myself everyday...is waiting tis long a waste of time or will it ever be worth it at the end??
i cant wait around for tings to actually happen...
at least give me someting to believe tat tings are gonna work out..

i decided to read a fren's blog just now cuz i was too bored and about to go to bed..
the blog hasnt been updated in quite a while cuz each time i go in its the same ting..
no updates or anyting but today when i went in it was updated :/
it makes me feel upset to read stuff in the blog cuz i noe tat i couldnt be there to endure wat she is going tru..
i feel sorri at times but then again...i have this hatred tingy going on me...
somehow i still hate her for her doings and i dun tink i can handle her without tinking about how she treated me..
one moment we're close then the next we dun speak at all...
i hate to tink tat she has someone new in her life but then i noe i shdnt be sellfish and keep her to myself..
just cant stand it cuz its an on and off kinda ting? it makes me feel tat im oni important/close sometimes...
and not all the time? i like feel needed in every kind of relationship...
unfortunately i dun get tat from everyone in my life :(

so back to the topic...how long is too long?
i really dun wanna waste my time waiting for one person and end up being alone juz cuz i was so stupid to wait....
dun tink anyone i noe will wait for a particular someone...any suggestions to wat i shd do?
u spoke so highly of me once and tats the last ive heard...
y cant u see me for who i am and not wat im not?
i tot ive given up on u but the more i told myself that the more im turning to u..
totally hate myself....
i dun wan to be second...i wanna be the first...
yea yea..im a selfish biatch but dun blame me for it..
everyone is a selfish biatch when it comes to this...

will be punishing myself for not going to bed but blogging....
heavy detention for tomolo hahaha...
good nite and i hope u would consider it again and come back to me wif a reasonable answer to whether onot i shd really wait...
thanks for understanding :)

xoxo
j'z world