far from home...

its been exactly one week since i left home and im still missing home..
dad called yesterday nite after her returned from his trip to china wif his 'all-men-holiday' for 10 days...i din see him when i left msia because when he left for china i was still in kuching wif mum..
so i had to say my goodbyes on wednesday morning....i miss him...omost teared when he called...quickly passed the phone to my uncle :(

i am still waiting for my results to come out...its been a week..im pretty sure its gonna come out tomolo (monday)...
tuesday is my bday and i hope it will turn out to be a good day...not doing anyting thou...
just wan to get good news from my lecturer and spend the whole tuesday shopping...
i am praying really hard tat things will go well.....*fingers crossed*

cousin invited me for a free preview of 'x-files movie: i want to believe' and it was down rite BAD and boring...not scary at all and it really din give me any connections..
i tink the last time i actually watched the series was like when i was in primary school?
my pal and i had a good larf about it....i miss her btw....my positivity...
the show was so boring tat i omost fell asleep at the beginning...and prolly cuz it was at nite at about 11-ish tats why....

today, went to visit my 'grandma' at her home...it was a good place where she lived, the ppl are frenly...stayed there for about 2 hours..went off just as she was about to have her lunch..
it was pouring like cats and dogs and so i got wet under the rain trying to get to the car..
one elderly man started toking to me while we were @ the dinning hall and he was pretty frenly..
i tot of this before, being a volunteer @ the old folks home...i really luv old ppl and they seem to like me for some reason..my bubbly looks? haha....
we chat for a bit then i had to go since it was their lunch time..wouldnt want to stay and chat for long...so i am still considering being a volunteer during the weekends just to go and acc those ppl....i guess i had a great connection wif my grandparents tats why ive grown to be close to old ppl....i miss both my grandparents by the way...i hope they are doing fine up there in heaven...

after visiting, my cousin decided tat we go for a movie...the forbidden kingdom staring jacky chan and jet li...apparently the movie was out on april...i din noe bout it prolly cuz i wasnt in msia then? dunno....the opening for oz was on thursday so we went and watch today...
it cost me $10 which can be used for prolly 4 movies back home :(
had mango ice frappe to go wif tat show...
the show...funny...and good....wouldnt say $10 well spent but it was a good show to begin wif...
at one point i larfed too loud tat my cousin felt so embarrassed tat she started pushing me asking me to shhhhh...
no one larfed!! omg....those ang mos are just BORING :P
larf out loud la if its funny...all just giggle =.="
sorri la..but when i larf i cant hold it in one lor..i'll just go BUAHAHAHAHA!!! balistic really...

i have too much tings to tink about...i noe i have been going on and on about my exam but its all i could tink of...julz wan to switch to medicine....i dunno...its so stressful...
im actually lost in my own world and i have to many tings on my plate...
jezz has to chill....relax.....
im really happy tat i have ppl trying to comfort me, try to make me larf tru a screen, and oso trying to be here for me....i am crazily tired and i really hope hope hope that i can get some proper sleep as soon as i hear good news....

prolly tomolo's the day....so wish me luck...i really need it...

i tink about home and i'll cry....

i am having a very hard time here in perth...i just sat for my supplementary paper just now and i felt really bad that i cried..my frenz saw me cry and tat wasnt a very good thing...
i just landed last nite and am not feeling very well ever since..
i had the worse week last week and i dunno where i am gonna go from here on...
the paper was so bad that i couldnt stand looking at it...
i had a couple breakdowns since last week and i had one again just...
i feel so lonely as if i am in an alien planet where no one knows me and i noe nobody...
crying makes me feel worse maybe because i noe tat there isnt anyone here to comfort me...
back home i have shoulders to cry on but here i oni have mine which doesnt help at all...
at home i have ppl who would hug me and sayang me to make me feel better...but here......

crying as i type and it feels bad...i really miss home...
at least when im there i feel like i own the place and that everyting and everyone i wan is there wif me...here all alone makes me feel down and depressed...
i dun tink i have cried so much in my entire life...i guess its cuz i have kept everyting inside me for so long tat i just let it all out last tuesday...
so many tings happened tat day...when will i stop crying?how much more do i have to cry?

i wanted to have a great time back home but it ended shortly after i received the sup exam letter....the whole world just went dark and gloomy...
everyone near me had to share my pain tat made me feel so guilty for ruining all the times we were gonna spend going places...
i guess tis is the worse winter break i could ever imagine...

someting happened in genting and tat was just another sad and gloomy moment...
dunno if i can ever treat u the same way as before, reading ure blog makes me agree that things has been very awkward after tat nite and any body contact will just be odd...
maybe God is punishing me for everyting tat ive done wrong....the exam? the arguements? the misunderstandings? the pain and sorrows? the tears? the sleepless nites? the frenz?
everyting came crashing down and it was like a nitemare...and arguing wif my mum wasnt helping at all...because of wat? because of a bloody parking spot outside my house...
i cried over mel's shoulder for 45 minutes and it was so loud tat my cousin could hear it and sent a chinese sms to me telling me tat everyting will be orite.....i was too upset to even reply him but it was touching tat he even smsed me to comfort me...
i am really greatful tat mel was there wif me at tat time...if it wasnt for her i tink i would be out of the house and wondering around in my car...
i just told her tat i was so san fu and i just wanted to cry...
i soaked her tshirt wif tears and used omost half a box of kleenex...

i noe tat keeping everyting inside me is bad and i noe i shdnt do it but i just do...
this time, i let omost everything out but i guess its oso cuz tings happen everyting at one go...
i cried again a few minutes ago when darrell called...
i just couldnt control my tears..i felt bad tat he had to hear me cry...
i told him everyting and he was there to comfort me wif his 'sexy voice'....
crying like a baby...i was just upset and lonely i guess...i just wish i had someone here wif me so tat i can have a shoulder to lean on...
darrell asked me if i wanted to go out to tok tings out but i just din wan him to see me cry again but i cant promise tat i wont cry later....

words cant express how i feel at the moment...every moment tinking about going home..
but i am greatful tat there are ppl who are concern and are worried for me...
i am so far from home and i dun wan ppl back home to worri for me...i wan them to noe tat i will be ok...
as time pass me by i will learn to be strong....thankx guys....

doomsday.....hmm....

am i still emo? a lil bit i tink..but after taking in wat kelf told me...i felt a lot better....
constantly telling me that things will be ok...knowing tat he is having his exams which he shd be finished by now, he himself is going tru some rough times...stress and all...
after the exams i tink its gonna be dota 24/7 or someting...lolx..
dunno if 'the cave' and 'bak kut teh' will still be on.....

yesterday, a bit dramatic...went out wif rave and i din buy anything..
i guess shopping wif me is really tat boring kakakaka....or maybe i just like shopping without anyone judging me and all tat....so practically i can oni go shopping wif certain ppl...
din buy a single ting...nth tat i can take home...hahaha..
but insteed i bought quite a few things from amcorp today....
i bought a new watch..not branded one..its those costume jewellery type..cheap cheap one...spoil then can throw those kind...
buying watches like tagz, guess, dkny, ck , etc is not oni expensive, it is oso limited...
i dun like to have limited tings, so having cheap costume watches is my thing...having one or 2 expensive watches is ok for me...but having more than 10 costume ones is really my thing :P
i bought a watch for rm88 just now...im now going into watches tat has guy's design but made for females :P
i oso bought 10 pairs of earings AHAHAHAHA....
wanted to make a keychain wif my name on it but tat wil cost about rm30....still considering cuz i needed to buy haircare products and stationary as well...
bought 2 tiny bottle of shampoo..rm17 each...why dun they have the big bottles!! damm it...
then went to popular and just went crazy buying more than 10 highlighters and about 8 transparent folders..i even went and bought those fancy fancy highliters tat cost rm4.50 each...phew...i went crazy really...
dun even need tat many to begin wif....siao siao adi..
maybe cuz i saw it being so pretty and colourful so i kept buying....kakaka...

watched doomsday yesterday wif rave @ the gardens' gsc signature cinema...hmm..interesting place...definately looks nicer than the normal gsc...
the show was ok....cruel but then again, the lead actress is YENG....better than jen gardner :P
as i am not a fan of angie jolie...i would say they are just about at the same level wahahaha...
sorri kei..i just had to say it hahahaha...
kei advised me not to go watch 'wanted' cuz it had a bad ending but asked me to see the show just cuz angie jolie is in it :/
the seats in the cinema are much better than the usual one and its coupled seatings which means doubles...dunno about the other halls but the one we went was double...
the show is very interesting...a mixture of 'i am legend' and 'rambo 4'....
next movie shd be 'run fat boy run' or 'made of honour'...see who wants to go la..
saw a trench coat @ zara..i like!! rm299...still considering but i like like like...
1u got zara onot ah? maybe go there see got onot....if got i might just buy it but its 299 leh...worth buying onot? its not even full trench..its 3/4 length oni...
see first see first...maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not hahaha...

went for dinner @ sushi zanmai or someting like tat...
was tat kei's idea/recommendation?? as i just had jap food not too long ago, i din wanted to eat jap food but since rave wanted, i just follow nia...
ate ramen..wif my fav karaag chicken (i tink)....
after eating we chated then i noticed some fella staring @ me..eh i not perasan k..cuz when i look back he waved..i was like wth? do i noe u? i ignored him then when i just so happen to look tat way, he smiled again...i was like wth wth? dun wan look there anymore...

awkward moment in the car....tats when i wished i din leave so far away...
dunno wat to say or ask or answer...just silence....super weird...
at last, things were settled, i was a bit emo tat time...but then at least someting's cleared...
at least now i noe wats going on...wouldnt say the matter has been resolved but at least it has been started and cleared a lil....
i just hope tat wat we are starting is rite....

anyways, thankiu rave for the lovely day...and sorri for being such a pain in the butt for not responding to everything u asked hahaha....
'anything la', 'dun ask me', 'i dunno la'...etc etc....like my answers? hahaha....

very upset holiday...

i just got the letter saying that i have been given a supplementary exam paper for the radiology component of the neurology unit for semester 1...
when i opened my email and saw that topic...i omost passed out...
i really din expect anything like tat because i noe for sure that i was gonna do well for the final exams tat i finished...
open my result page...the other 2 units are good...and then i saw 'S' for neuro...SHIT!

i broke down into tears...i din wan to except the truth tat i have to retake tat paper and because of that i had to return to perth way earlier than i planned..
my parents din lecture me, instead they told me it was ok and i did my best...i did...i did my best but tat best wasnt my very best indeed...
so i had to reschedule my air tickets which cost me a further rm1000...
i am totally pissed off with myself at the moment for wasting all those time and money...
all this things are unnecessary spendings....really hate myself..
but what is done is done...i wil be going back to perth on the 20th of july, the next day tat i return from kuching....it will be stressful trust me...but i dun have a choice..my sup paper is on the 21st...

so there goes my bday celebration in msia tat i was looking forward to...
oh well..i guess its gonna be spent there regreting wat i have done to put me where i will be then...
i am happy that i have such supportive family and frenz...
they never fail to back me up when i am down...not oni tat my parents never lectured me a single word, they even comforted me so tat i din feel bad...
frenz who kept trying to cheer me up so that i dun feel so down..
ah....so thankful....

my dad so sked i cant eat lunch until he drove all the way to pick my mum and i up to go have lunch in paramount...wahliao so expensive ipoh noodles...rm8.80 per bowl...wth?
i definately cried quite a bit..cant say my eyes arent puffy at the moment haha...
i ruined not oni my holidays but the time that i have wif my family...
i cause the genting trip wif my mum and aunt to be canceled cuz i wont be around...
despite all that, no one blamed me for anything , but i blame myself..
rave and kei asked me out to pasar malam to cheer me up but i just cant go out..after all this?
in the end...rave bought mango loh and brought it over to my house in the middle of the nite....
omg...i was like wth? it was very sweet of her...thankiu very much...
oso not forgetting how ee, mel, and kelf for advising me and comforting me...

without anyone of them, i dunno wat would i be doing rite now..will i be sobering at one dark corner like i said i would? nah....i doubt tat...
instead, i cleaned my room...i just took all my clothes out of my cupboard and started folding and throwing clothes that i dun wan...
well, the result wasnt very impressive cuz my wardrobe is still packed and messy hahaha...

today, i will be going out wif rave..
going to the gardens, mv....watching a movie, having lunch and perhaps dinner?
i told myself i was gonna spend money..i even took out rm500 ready to spend...
but i dun tink im gonna do so...i wanna repay my dad for paying for my ticket changes...
feel bad that he has to pay for wat is my mistake....
im gonna withdraw everything in my savings and change it into aussie dollar...
wanna put in the FD up in aus..hopefully can..if not then too bad...
as for today...will see wat i'll buy..there's nth tat i really need but a black pair of working shoes and maybe a new handbag cuz ive been carrying the red elle bag since i came back..oways so mis-matching with my clothes hahaha....

thankiu again to everyone that helped me tru my hardships...
really appreciated and i hope i could do the same for anyone of u when u are having problems...

aja aja fighthing :D

what do you do when a fren is down...

On Wednesday, it was such a long day in the office…
The time is near when a board meeting is being called upon, so its usually when my mum’s the busiest…
And the ting about it is that each time im back for a holiday, its oways board meeting time…wat a coincidence…im oways around to help out before the meeting actually takes place..
Before a meeting is held, ppl who has something to present have to prepare their papers and submit for approval…
Since my mum is the PA to the MD, she had to do his papers…I helped lor…
Tim ji on Wednesday we had to stay back till 8.30 without OT…
Tired like shit lor…go back oso cnt cook..had to ta bao…

Ok to todays subject…wat do u do when a fren is upset or heartbroken or having relationship/family problems?
Do sit by the phone and just listen to them and ask them to try to keep alive?
Kei was having some probs wif a gal…I tink she cried over the phone but didn’t admit doing so…I oso dunno how to help her..all I could do is comfort her…
She said she forgot about somethings after toking about other stuff which is great…
At nite, I told her I could go over to her house for a while…asked rave along too so tat we could just chill ya..
Went to rave’s house first as I have no idea where kei stayed…
Going back to a place which u haven been to for about 5 years is just awkward…
It’s like a place which was once somewhere ure familiar wit and all of a sudden things changed…the feel is just weird…aching weird…
Went to kei’s house…gigantic house lolx..
Her baby/darling LV (doggy) is SUPER cute…omg…
At first I was freaked out by it but then I kinda luved it too…played wif it, held it up…eee so cute! I just wanted to take it home..
It looks so much like a stuffed toy…so cute cute….come here LV, who’s a good girl..
Rave say I like it now cuz it’s a puppy but give it 2 years and I wont like it d..lolx..
LV so notti…bite me so many times..i cnt believe im playing wif a pup!! Its sooo cute…I have to give it and exception hahaha…

They played pool while I played wif LV…then played cards…
Told my parents I’d be back by 11 plus but ended up playing till 12am..
They say go yumcha but I cant…they accompanied me back to taman megah..
I went yumcha wif them lor…

Ps: ‘ice tea’ and ‘teh ais’ IS DIFFERENT! grrr….

Stayed and chat till 1am….mum waited till I come back home eh…felt really bad..
Then tis morning kena lecture by parents especially my dad in the car this morning…
Yesterday was fine…im glad that kei sorta resolved her problem…
Good work dear…hug hug HAHHAHA…

This morning, called kei to tok for about more than an hour I tink since the whole office went for meeting and I became the queen of the 17/18 floor of TNEC haha…
heard many many hurtful things truout the conversation…
Things I wished I didn’t hear…but I did…
Very upset and hurt deep inside…how come? Is tat issue tat important to you?
What I did wasn’t enuf? Omg…you’re more selfish than i tot...
I gave you something I made and you expected something and u told ppl about it…
Like kena back stab lor really…can cry rite now…
Wat sorta person makes others cry?
Kei and I were just toking and there are things which I cant seem to answer…
Tats cuz I dunno wat I wan…wat if im alone? So wat? Wat are u gonna do about it?
Do u express your feelings or do u stop and stare…

What if wat u wan has been taken away? Wat are u gonna do?
Are u just gonna sit and wait again? NO!! you fight damm it….but of cuz you oni do so if u think tat ting is wat u really want...go for it...tat is was kei oways tell me...
anyways..all this isnt important at the moment...lets sort it out later...