i tink about home and i'll cry....

i am having a very hard time here in perth...i just sat for my supplementary paper just now and i felt really bad that i cried..my frenz saw me cry and tat wasnt a very good thing...
i just landed last nite and am not feeling very well ever since..
i had the worse week last week and i dunno where i am gonna go from here on...
the paper was so bad that i couldnt stand looking at it...
i had a couple breakdowns since last week and i had one again just...
i feel so lonely as if i am in an alien planet where no one knows me and i noe nobody...
crying makes me feel worse maybe because i noe tat there isnt anyone here to comfort me...
back home i have shoulders to cry on but here i oni have mine which doesnt help at all...
at home i have ppl who would hug me and sayang me to make me feel better...but here......

crying as i type and it feels bad...i really miss home...
at least when im there i feel like i own the place and that everyting and everyone i wan is there wif me...here all alone makes me feel down and depressed...
i dun tink i have cried so much in my entire life...i guess its cuz i have kept everyting inside me for so long tat i just let it all out last tuesday...
so many tings happened tat day...when will i stop crying?how much more do i have to cry?

i wanted to have a great time back home but it ended shortly after i received the sup exam letter....the whole world just went dark and gloomy...
everyone near me had to share my pain tat made me feel so guilty for ruining all the times we were gonna spend going places...
i guess tis is the worse winter break i could ever imagine...

someting happened in genting and tat was just another sad and gloomy moment...
dunno if i can ever treat u the same way as before, reading ure blog makes me agree that things has been very awkward after tat nite and any body contact will just be odd...
maybe God is punishing me for everyting tat ive done wrong....the exam? the arguements? the misunderstandings? the pain and sorrows? the tears? the sleepless nites? the frenz?
everyting came crashing down and it was like a nitemare...and arguing wif my mum wasnt helping at all...because of wat? because of a bloody parking spot outside my house...
i cried over mel's shoulder for 45 minutes and it was so loud tat my cousin could hear it and sent a chinese sms to me telling me tat everyting will be orite.....i was too upset to even reply him but it was touching tat he even smsed me to comfort me...
i am really greatful tat mel was there wif me at tat time...if it wasnt for her i tink i would be out of the house and wondering around in my car...
i just told her tat i was so san fu and i just wanted to cry...
i soaked her tshirt wif tears and used omost half a box of kleenex...

i noe tat keeping everyting inside me is bad and i noe i shdnt do it but i just do...
this time, i let omost everything out but i guess its oso cuz tings happen everyting at one go...
i cried again a few minutes ago when darrell called...
i just couldnt control my tears..i felt bad tat he had to hear me cry...
i told him everyting and he was there to comfort me wif his 'sexy voice'....
crying like a baby...i was just upset and lonely i guess...i just wish i had someone here wif me so tat i can have a shoulder to lean on...
darrell asked me if i wanted to go out to tok tings out but i just din wan him to see me cry again but i cant promise tat i wont cry later....

words cant express how i feel at the moment...every moment tinking about going home..
but i am greatful tat there are ppl who are concern and are worried for me...
i am so far from home and i dun wan ppl back home to worri for me...i wan them to noe tat i will be ok...
as time pass me by i will learn to be strong....thankx guys....