the unexpected truth about me....

story 1:
i spoke to gisele a few nites back and i dunno if she was being sarcastic or wat so ever but she gave me the expression that nth i said make sense?
she assured me that nth is about me...
as guilty as i was...i just had to tell her....
we din finish the conversation..its just left hanging...
well at least she even acknowledge me when i msged her.....

story 2:
i applied for a chiro assistant/receptionist job in southern chiro and physio clinic..
wat i didnt read properly was the location of the clinic..it was in CARINGBAH...
anyone in sydney find this place familiar???
so yea...i sent my resume and everyting and then i realized tat it didnt went rite...
so i googled the place and watever came up was about sydney new south wales..OMG!
wat did i just do....shoit....i applied for a position way way way far from me...
then yesterday i received a call starting wif 02...i knew it was from sydney..
they told me they were gonna hire me!! oh shoit...then i had to tell them where i was and wat mistake i did by not reading the application properly...
then she say wasted cuz its really good to have a chiro student working at the clinic..how i wish those clinics here said tat! damm it...
then she was saying..ok then i dun tink u wanna travel to sydney on a daily basis for tis part time job hahaha...
she say its ok...and she asked me to call them after i graduate and they would hire me as a lochum...ehehehe...

story 3:
yesterday just didnt seem like a good day to have any conversations..
i just noe that tings is gonna turn up ugly and it did....woah..i am predictable...
i wasnt feeling to good wif my throat cuz i burnt it a few days ago drinking HOT french onion soup...damm it...how i noe tat hot wor...
as usual....rave and i tok lor...felt a lil odd cuz we didnt play webbie at first...
then we tok about where we should go or do if i were to go over..it was nice to actually noe she wants me to go over..
speaking of which....i have bad news about tat....but first, lets finish the story...
we skyped and tings went along well until towards the end....
everyting about the past just came out and the truth was revealed....
the fact that i ruined the relationship just blew everyting away....i noe that my actions were wrong and so i felt guilty..i oways have...but i tried forgetting about it because i was young and naive then..
i was happy when tings were going better btw the 2 of us until yesterday...
i noe ive said it a million times but im saying it again...i DIDNT choose to hurt u...but i did and i totally apologize for my actions..its been 5 years...exactly 5 years to be frank wif u...
i may have hurt u but we both went on and found luv...
i truly am sorri for wat i have done to u 5 years ago....whether onot u will forgive me i dunno..
but i can tell u tat im not the girl u once knew 5 years ago...

i just want to know if wat happened yesterday is gonna change tings about us...
is europe still on? now i noe why my mum asked if we signed a contract saying tat we wont be seperated again like b4...i assured her that tings are different now and it will work out perfectly..
now wif this...i cant be sure anymore.....
u say ure unsure and dun noe anymore..i felt the pain in my chest...
i held my tears last nite and i did dis morning as well when i messaged her...
i went to uni.....everyting was good..i had some good larfs and i had my frenz around me to support me...
but after my last class, i sat and tok to valerie....she knew tat i wasnt rite because i was just secluded tis morning in my first lecture...i felt my whole body was ill and i was just sweating in a super cold lecture theatre...
i told her...and i started crying...i told her i did someting wrong and i tink i ruined everyting...
when i first told her about it...i was happy but now i am crying because of it...
ive oredi told myself that i wont bottle up my feelings anymore...if i feel like crying i will just cry and if i am happy i would just larf....i am more open now tat i noe how good it feels to actually let everyting out...sharing really lessen the burden...
until now i still din receive a reply from rave....every sms that came tru today i was hoping that rave would reply but nth came from the name 'rave uk'...
im really sorri.......

story 4:
if europe is confirmed, it wouldnt be wat i planned initially.
i told my parents that i would go on the 2oth of december and return on 24th of january b4 cny..
for some reason, i tot i remembered rave telling me tat msian nite was 23rd....tat is why i wanted to stay till 24th...if it means someting for me to stay for it i will...
but now u tell me its 31st jan....i cant stay there tat long cuz its cny and i dun tink my dad would allow tat...
so now....i just received an email from my mum telling me tat my other aunt and her family are going down to kl a few days b4 the spore wedding..WTF!!!
so guess wat i have to do? obvious rite? i have to cut short my stay in dublin! wth wth...im cursing and swearing rite now....
dunno if i shd be angry or just sad...cuz i tot i would be able to stay longer!!! now i tink have to cut like more than 1week ><"
my mum is even threatening me say tat if i dun plan to come back earlier then she wont book my tickets for me.....ARGH!!!
can somemore ask me go one week earlier and come back one week earlier....
so NOT happy about tis plan....ruined everyting ... grrrr....

im saying yet again as if ive oredi confirmed my bookings...i haven...i tink i'll do it next week or the week after..
but first i have to noe that rave has forgiven me and then i can oni make it there...
if not...then no point rite? pls let me noe......im lost...