we tok again....

as per the subject lor..
we got into the conversation of our relationship again...
just stumbled into it i suppose....not on intention i dun tink...

ure expecting an answer from me and yet i still cant give it to u...
i told a fren from school about it and she asked me to stay out of it....obviously, she's against the relationship..no doubt about tat...
so...im not gonna tell her anyting anymore...

all these conversations, all these late nites..its making me very upset but happy at the same time?
my feelings are all just jumbled up in a huge black box....
how do u noe this time its gonna be right? i wish u were in my shoes..then u can understand wat im going tru and how i feel...
its pretty stressful and quite a bit to take in....all of a sudden..all these details..its very overwhelming for me...
and not to mention ure possessiveness which is just typical of u and i dun tink i can deal wif tat just yet..im used to doing tings my way seriously....asking me to do wat u wan me to, listen to u..its gonna take a while...
tat was one of the reason why we broke up in the first plc despite the appearance of a third party....

i dun tink u understand how hard is it to actually break up wif someone over the time frame of 5 years especially when tat person has become part of my family...
mel has been wif my family for 5 years and my parents just take her in like another family member...how is it possible to ask her to just stop coming over and to face me??????
to add to tat, u wouldnt even let me go out wif her alone @____@
tat would mean u dun trust me at all....as usual...never ever expect u to trust me a tiny weee bit...not now, not ever....

u spoke about the future...settlement...
omg....tat is soooo wat i wan rite now, someone who can tell me about settling down..
i told most of my frenz tat i am looking into having a family bla bla bla...when u just mention tat, i was just blown away...
i dunno la...i really dunno wat to do laaaaaaa.....
someone just take me away rite now........save me from this.....i am L.O.S.T...
mayb someone shd just come and give me one BIG slap...
then prolly by then i would noe wat i shd do...but inside, i noe wat i want....and i want the future...so there u have it..i just need time.....