our conversation....

yesterday, we decided tat using skype was a better option? because for some reason u say tat msn was lagging?? ok nvm....i dun like to play skype because i have to speak...
i mean, dun get me wrong..i like to tok :D but i dunno....i never do skype...well not anymore until now....
we tok about the normal daily stuff....u being a weirdo, not knowing it was a public holiday in dublin....u ironing ure clothes, pricelesss....chin kam doing ironing :P
and u even played dress up hahaha, tat was fun....at least, i noe wat ure wearing for ure ball and malaysian nite eventhou i wont be there to see it :)
then u asked me this question - "do i give up easily in regards to u"
i tot for a bit, i tink u do, it didnt take u long to just tell ureself tat it wasnt worth going on for...
i was really sorri for bringing up the word 'gisele'...tat definately wasnt wat u wanna tink about at tat time i dun tink...
u got all fired up and i noe tat u were hurt by her actions and her word of mouth...
really, how can u hang on to someone who treats u like crap?
so wat if u can share ure stories wif her...do u really tink she cares about others but herself?
well, maybe i am in no right to judge her but from the looks of it, she deserved to be judged!

i was really upset tat u had to let someone go every one semester and to noe tat u appreciate frenship so much just makes me tink tat wow...these ppl really dunno wat they're missing...
and yea, it is G's loss to not appreciate u as a fren...sorri lor but i really tink ppl like her dun deserve someone like u....

well, tat definately got u pissed and annoyed :(
so our conversation went on and all of a sudden it was about us...our past and our future?
now i noe why i got so pissed off in genting...knowing it first hand just made it all so clear...
u noe, if i didnt push u away, tings would just be different the next morning....trust me my mind was all about 'wat if i did....' or 'wat if we were to...'
i just got all emo and it just ruined it for me....for us really....

so yea, we toked about the past....u told me how u felt at that time and how u let me be free and do watever i wanted to...
we were young....u were soo damm innocent...i dunno wat made us click...
well, now we are both adults (i tink) and i did change...i stayed loyal for 5 years...surprised huh?
i noe tat it was hurtful to cheat but i din mean to hurt anyone..SERIOUSLy...
i guess i really wanted to do tings my way and u wouldnt let me...i was just furious u noe...
i hate being controlled and being told that i cant do this and i cant do tat...
at tat time melson could let me have it my way but u wouldnt and u chose to let go...

but i guess everyting is different now....u are who u are now and i guess u let me do tings my way now?
u asked me to let u be my gf in genting..to let u luv me for just tat nite...
to be honest, i would have let u but then i didnt...i dunno why...i would have let u take care of me since i was like the worse drinker ever...puking all over the plc and a bit tipsy at that moment..
im sorri i made u worri and ran out of the room to look for me...i just didnt want to interupt....and im sorri u had to sleep where u did....i got abit annoyed by tat lor...so many times i asked u but u just layan me for one second and then ignored me the next..
it just made me felt worse =.=

we talked about ur ex and then the gal u liked just recently...tat was a blow to my head....
she's somemore living under the same roof u are under...
maybe im just sensitive hahaha.....
so now we are back to the start....wats up wif tat? i noe i cant accept u back no matter how much i want to....
again, i cant ask u to wait or be patience because tat would be unfair to u...
but then again, i dun wan to loose u yet again...yea, im very selfish :P
rite, my head is doing all the 'wat if' stuff again....wat if we, wat if we didnt, wat if i...
oh gosh....i just wan to get tis over and done wif...if i were to go to europe, i hope it would be a diff experience.....i dun wan any 'wat if' from tat trip really.....

apparently, my bestie isnt too happy about u stepping back into my life..
just like how ure bestie hates me rite down to my guts...
no need to ask but i tink i noe wat ure bestie said about me...soooo predictable watever she says...as annoyed as i am, i wont bother lor....i will be upset for a while but tats about it..
she doesnt noe me and she has no right to tok about me...and who cares about wat she says anyways...i am who i am, and if she cant take tat, too bad!

im sorri if i made it hard for u to let me go...its so hard for me because i dun wanna loose neither of u...call me selfish lor...
as for now i have a deadline..i cant give u the answer when u get back from paris....
i gave mel till end of this year so hopefully europe would be an awesome experience for the both of us...hehehehe...
u'll be leaving for paris and other places tomolo for 10 days...i hope u will enjoy the trip as much as i will enjoy mine if i were to be there....